ROMEO ISCARIOT

June 30th, 2007

The dream is dead, but my loins are purring. My eyes are tired, but my mind is swimming. I don't know what I am here for anymore. But then I saw her standing there…and God be praised, even as He is betrayed.

And it came to pass that upon coming, I would come to pass on for countless twitching hours a great and terrible Peace I felt from her name and my ignorance: it was that I knew her name, and it was Jezebel; and that I knew nothing else at all about her, other than she did not know me, either. Great and terrible indeed was this piece of Peace, and of ass--it was a piece that passes all understanding.

I knew not her faith or creed, yet knew the name of every god she called for when she screamed. And so it was, that God knew the number of hairs upon her head; and that I would know the number and location of every birthmark, and the shapes that each would make when squeezed from an infinity of angles. And as I ravaged as reprobate the image of God among the Godless, I swiftly and with Heaven's hellfire would eat the flesh of a perfect sacrifice--as the lips of the devoted shook and shivered from the gift of tongues… It was here that nipples were erect and temples were defiled, where dreams and visions of pale steeds and scarlet whores gave sight to the blind and bound, and soothing aloe to the handcuffed... Where the erect Elect took up their cross as handmaidens took off their clothes… Where the knees of those who knelt were ground to thin stigmata while the master gnawed on any ears that were to hear, all that I would whisper here--sweet nothings, precious else and the lonely now. For, by grace, the Lonely Now was yesterday.

And sometimes, I need to be reminded why I can never get attached. Such pleasures of the flesh and those beneath the chest...creature comforts, comforted creatures...damsels in distress, undressed; paradise by dashboard fright. It all makes you write stupid things. At the end of the night, it was a fleeting glimmer of hope, and an epic smear across the sheets. In the end, I am unredeemable; I'm not even worth ten cents in Minnesota. I am resigned to fate, or fatality.

But still...Love just sits there, gawking at you…peering creepily through the blinds.

Bah. It probably has bugs in it, anyway.


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PILLOW TALK & BLANKET AMNESTY

May 28, 2007

God is love when you're getting laid...but love is dead when you're out of smokes.

Nothing emphasizes one's own ugliness like meeting a truly beautiful person. And there is nothing like meeting someone truly wonderful to make you realize what an utterly horrible human being you are. There is nothing like encountering a winning combination to help you realize your losing odds. There is nothing like encountering all you might ever want to realize all you'll never have or find.

You look, and then you lust...and you think of all the awful, perverse and wondrous things you'd like to do to her...the way (or ways) you might molest her every inch and crevice, orifice, and tender bits--lick and nibble, bite and fuck, slap, manhandle, screw, defile her every goddamned cell...nail her very DNA into the floorboards until it dripped and slithered with the very primordial ooze from wence it came, and you came on.

And then Conscience attacks...it says, "You know, they arrest people for that." Or worse--yes, worst of all, it says: "You know, she does have parents..."

And so you stop. You pause, reflect...regret. And then you dream anew...and look, and lust, all over again. "Fuck it," you say.

"Sure, she has a mother. So did the steak I ate today. So did the eggs I had for breakfast--they had a mother. In fact, not only did those eggs have a mother, but I took that mother, plucked it, skinned it, breaded and deep-fried it. Fuck it. Fuck its mother. Fuck it all to hell. We all have mothers. We also all have needs."

And the way things really are...the elephant in our living rooms, shitting its collosal elephant shits upon our mouse-sized dreams...this is how it truly is...this is what we are reduced to: that we close our eyes upon fondling what we have, that we might imagine it is what we want. We shall penetrate our hideous conquests, drunken, eyes wide shut and stomach churning at the very touch and every passing scent...and dream we're making love to all we'll never have. Truly I ask, is ignorance really bliss? Because bliss never resembles what we wake to in the morning, yet ignorance still follows through the day. We're screwed if we do; we're screwed if we don't. And some of us are screwed because we never did, and likely never will.

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A CAVALCADE OF SHAME

December 19th, 2006


I'm bored...and you shall pay the price.

Whilst I prepare my next actual article/essay, here is a random gay-ass MySpace survey that I drunkenly indulged in.

Enjoy. Or not.

Whore.


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*** 39 LASHES, MUTHAFUCKA


37 Questions Some People Wouldn't Think To Ask!
Because They Have Lives--The Fools! WE SHALL CRUSH THEM!

1. When's the last time you ran?
There are some who say I run to this very day.

2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
You assume I'm wearing pants.

3. What are you dreading right now?
My next cursed breath.

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?:
Yes, by shooting a stoner in the fucking face.

5. What are you listening to?:
The sound of the ages creeping up to smite my shed of last ambition.

6. When was your last doctors visit?:
Do I look like someone who would have health coverage?

7. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep?:
I'm not sure; I keep passing out.

8. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?:
You mean ready for bed, right?

9. "First Loves Are Never Over"...is this true for you?:
Insomuch as the legal ramifications are forever pending...

10. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?:
Into the back of the basement, and shoot them.
Then bad things would happen to the corpse.
Then GREAT things would happen to the corpse.

11. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would they find you wearing?:
The crudely-stitched skins of my enemies.

12. Does/did your school have tornado drills?:
Maybe; but I'm pretty sure we used Black & Decker.

13. Do you own a pair of adidas?
I haven't worn sneakers since I had the Anthrax shirt to match.

14. Who did you cut and paste this survey from?:
Frenchie/Romanticide. Because she's adorable.

15. Do you eat raw cookie dough?:
Yes. My favorite flavor is "Suffering."

16. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?:
Yes. For not putting out.

17. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by overplaying them?:
They ruin perfectly good subliminal messages ordering me to consume and conform much the same way.

18. Would you rather them play the whole video or just a clip of it on TRL?:
I would rather TRL emit a nerve-corroding shriek that dehabilitates its listeners,
slowly eroding the membranes that keep their noses from bleeding uncontrollably.

19. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
Various/Assorted women-folk in my life seem to enjoy it. I avoid that stuff like marriage and children, personally.

20. How do you eat oreos?:
In the most disturbing way possible.

21. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone to sign in?:
No, but I've stayed offline for long periods of time waiting for someone to sign off.

22. Are you cocky?:
There's a fine line between cockiness and madness. I'm pretty sure I'm just one of the insane ones.

23. Shortest relationship?:
Between your face and my impending fist.

24. Longest time without going home?:
What's this "home" you speak of?

25. Could you live without a computer?:
That's crazy-talk.

26. When was the last time you cried?:
Ten years ago, give or take.

27. When you watch movies at home, do you turn the lights off?:
No; I stand outside, peering creepily through the window, as other people watch movies in the dark.

28. When did you find out that Santa wasn't real?:
When I realized that the *real* Santa wouldn't have time to stop and murder some kid's family.

29. Have you ever had a "10"?:
Probably not...but one fine and fateful day, I nailed two fives.

30. What do you do when you're sad?
Fill out surveys. :(

31. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?:
The owner of the livestock I sacrificed in the ritual, and offer to reimburse the poor bastard.

32. Last time you saw your best friend?:
Right before the banishing ritual.

33. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:
Laser eyes, totally.

34. Last person to kiss you?:
Failure.

35. Who/What sleeps with you every night?:
Certainly not my conscience.

36. How many times have you been pulled over?
About as many times as I've been crawled on top of.

37. If they made a movie of your life, what do you think people would say about it?
That it lacked the subtleties of the book.

38. If you could know one thing about the future, what would it be?:
How I should have answered this question.

39. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?:
I would kill myself...and when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a throne of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you, this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you hear the sound of children screaming--as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin...I will open one of my six mouths, and I will SING THE SONG THAT ENDS THE EARTH.

Thanks for asking!


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