3-2-1...CONTACT HIGH!

More MySpace madness to preoccupy you while I prepare the next anti-epic...

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FIVE THINGS, TEN THINGS, FIFTEEN THINGS, TWENTY THINGS


FIVE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO EAT:

1. A Penguin
2. A Giant Squid
3. A Platypus
4. A Pterodactyl
5. An Asian Broad


TEN THINGS ON YOUR CHRISTMAS (OR BIRTHDAY) LIST:
(ironically, I just wrote out a similar list last night for my less-than-amused roommates)

1. Fields Of The Nephilim stuff (shirt, bootlegs, whatever)
2. Methamphetamine.
3. The aforementioned Asian broad.
(slutty goth chick may be substituted)
4. The blood of my enemies.
5. A sloth.
6. Sweet, sweet death.
7. The Mondo Cane box set.
8. Maybe some absinthe or something.
9. The downfall of Christianity.
10. Some cigars.


FIFTEEN PEOPLE ON YOUR FRIEND LIST YOU'D HAVE SEX WITH:

Not touchin' that one.


TWENTY QUESTIONS:

1. Romantic Status:
Accepting applications.

2. Something on your mind right now:
Eating Vicodin out of a Pez dispenser.

3. Last thing that irritated you:
My roommate, bugging me to entertain him.

4. Something you've been accused of lately:
Er...sleep molestation? Alcoholism? Drug addiction? Are we talking things I actually did, or just random accusations that I get? 'Cause I could do this all damned day.

5. Describe your last relationship in three words:
Totally using me.

6. Describe something that bothers you about a current relationship:
Unfathomable ambiguity.

7. Something a friend or lover recently asked of you that made you uncomfortable:
Too illegal to even hint at.

8. Something a friend or lover recently asked of you that made you confused:
A bizarre insistence on total secrecy, like she's ashamed to fucking be here.

9. Pick the top three people from your "List of 15" above, and list a single random fact about them:
I didn't fill out that list, but I suppose I've had enough Old Crow to play along anyway. Let's see...one lives halfway across the globe, one only seems to take photos with her offspring, and one drinks a lot of Boulevard. Is that random enough? Wait...why am I asking you?

10. Name something all three of them have in common:
My urge to vigorously defile them?

11. What is something you're particularly proud of?
My upcoming book, Dead Letter Orifice.

12. What is something you're NOT particularly proud of?
That no one gives a shit about #11?

13. Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
In the sense that Death is pictured as a male figure…

14. Ever had sex in the bathroom?
You mean, with someone else?

15. Have you ever had sex at work?
No, but I’ve certainly worked at sex.

16. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
You mean…without a grown-up?!

17. Have you been caught having sex?
Caught, but never captured.

18. Does anyone have naughty pics of u?
Quite possibly, but that’s really more her misfortune than mine.

19. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
On occasion. I’ve also been that sober. ;)

20. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
If by “guts” you mean “disposable lifespan,” I reckon about half my list.

***

Wow. Now I remember why I stopped filling these things out...

Come to HEX in StL next week. I'm Guest DJing.


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