BACKDOOR TO VICTORY

Street justice just ain't what it used to be...


Special thanks to Maddox.

There have been many interesting developments in the world of late. I acknowledge I am tardy in addressing them. But let's face it: I write this stuff to amuse myself. Unlike a lot of bloggers, I don't expect that anybody actually reads it. (For example, note the empty comment box for yesterday's post. Harrowing in its emptiness, isn' it?) But I enjoy myself. And I pity the fool who actually does take the time to read this stuff. It's not going to get any prettier.

First off the bat, I would be failing my readers if I didn't mention this.
Go ahead. Follow the link. I dare you.

"And I say to myself...what a wonderful world..."

The blogosphere is twitching with regards to the recent torture murders at Bagram. What do we do with these people? With the overall lack of aggression we've displayed in punishing the Abu Ghraib perpetrators (likely because we'd rather not know how far up the chain the scandal might extend), the outraged public is looking for someone to hit. They want these troops disciplined. After the Oscars, of course.

Therein lay the clinker--the American people are largely apathetic to it all. We want to win this war. We don't want to focus on the negative. But the rest of the world is taking note. Let's just say that it's not going to be as easy for the next round of exchange students to get laid overseas.

Now, no true patriot wants his countrymen tried in any sort of "world court." That's lib'rul commie talk. I'll have none of that, thank you. The truth is, we don't need it. We don't need to see our troops convicted and sentenced to 18 years of cornholing in whatever Turkish prison the UN deems to toss them in. We have people just as adequate at cornholing on our own shores, thank you once again.

Take W. David Hager for example. Please. In fact, take him to Greece; he might like it there.

Hager is another "religous enthusiast" who would like to see the walls of Church and State broken down, paved over, and replaced with Teen Abstinence rallies. He also forcibly sodomized his wife for 7 years. No shit. His wife, who is still an active Republican, and a Christian, finally divorced him after enduring years of forced-anal torment.
Now, to be fair to the ol' ass bandit, the guy was an OB/GYN. And I suppose that if one were arm-deep in pussy everyday, you might want a bit of variety at home...fair enough. No one wants to bring their work home with them, right? It's bad enough that the cats probably swarmed him when he got home. I sympathize.

Oh, and did I mention that he's the Bush Administration's appointee to the "Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs" for the FDA?
Yup. That's their choice...the Butt Pirate.

Oh bugger.

And I'm sure you've all heard about how John Bolton, my favorite big sweaty, hairy, angry guy in politics, forced his wife into an orgy. Look lady, at least that was one night you didn't have to sleep with the big sweaty, hairy, angry guy. Count your blessings. You get no sympathy from me.
As you know, Bolton is also the Administration's nominee for UN Ambassador.
Yup. That's his choice...the Orgy Guy.

And then there's Neal Horsley, a staunch Social Conservative--beloved by moral crusaders and pro-lifers everywhere, and a man with the most appropriate name for a political figure I've ever heard. Horsley likes mules, you see.
And this guy gets trotted out and interviewed as some sort of Christian Coalition superhero everytime there's an abortion debate.
Yup. That's their choice...Captain Donkey Show.

And of course, I've picked on Bill Frist before. Frist, if you showed up late, is the Josef Mengele of the feline community. (Felines do have communities, don't they?). As a cat lover (ney, a lover of pussies world-over), I really hate this guy. Did I mention he's Senate Majority Leader.
Yup. That's their choice...the Kitten Mangler.

And let's not even start on Alberto "Torture Me Elmo" Gonzales.

As you can see, the GOP have quite a rogues gallery going.

So where am I going with all this?

Atonement. Atonement for all involved.

We don't need no stinking world court to punish our "bad apples." We just need to let the ol' Republican Guard do what they do best. We can handle this in-house.

Here is my suggestion:

Orgy at Bolton's house; Horsley can bring the girls--specify long or short ears. Dr. Frist can bring the roofies, which will be administered to the naughty troops. Gonzales, dressed like a dentist, will oversee, and ask the troops repeatedly if it is "safe." Meanwhile, with their eyes pryed open, Clockwork Orange-style, the troops are forced to watch the Bolton-Horsley-Eeyore flesh fandango. Then, with our transgressors drugged, bound, and naked from the waste down, we let Hager in. We'll just let him do his thing.

And all is right in Washington again.

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