NO HABLO CRISTIANO

For those who have followed my offshore exploits of late, I have made a new revelation: Mexicans just don't "get" King Diamond.

For those who don't know what I'm talking about...

I work in a kitchen filled with semi-legal immigrants who don't speak a lick of English. (I mean NONE.) They tend to sing while they prep and cook, though. So, if the radio is playing something in English, they will try to sing along to it anyway, even though they don't understand any of what they are singing. This has potential for abuse, of course.

Naturally, I began abusing it.

I began playing Danzig, Motorhead, Dio, etc. in the kitchen, and--as I suspected--they tried to sing along, even though they don't understand what they're singing. You haven't truly lived until you have heard a devoutly Catholic Mexican prep cook warbling "Snakes Of Christ" or "Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son" off-key.

I've been building them up to heavier and heavier things. I started with G N' R and Dio...moved up to Iron Maiden, Motorhead and Judas Priest...today I tried playing "Melissa" by Mercyful Fate.

The looks of bewilderment were priceless. The first time King Diamond hit his famous high notes...every potato in the joint ceased being peeled, and wild-eyed stares spread like herpes B across the room. I don't speak much Spanish...but I did pick out the words "loco" and "el diablo" from among the staff.

I'll try my luck with Slayer tomorrow.

I'll have them up to Emperor in no time...

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