A LIBERTARIAN MANIFESTO

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not a Liberal in the strictest sense. I adore my 2nd and 10th Amendment rights; I oppose socialism; I support most conservative tax reform, and believe the IRS to be an unconstitutional body. I even liked Reagan; he was the "right kind" of insane.

But I am not a Conservative either: chiefly, I oppose the American Jesus, and I detest all that "He" stands for--or that "He" stands for anything at all in a supposedly secular society.

Good government must be agnostic, yet sympathetic to those who are not. I demand the separation of Church & State--the cause of peace itself demands it.

We shall not wage wars over Invisible Men; we shall not hinder science over that which science itself cannot verify. It may seem insensitive to a considerable portion of the populace, but science and reason are quite insensitive in general. Evolution--social or otherwise--takes no prisoners.

While I may be a "fiscal conservative," I remain a "social liberal;" because, when you dechristianize the issues, what reason is there to discriminate against homosexuals, or hinder human sexuality, or selectively obstruct free speech in the name of some arcane metaphysical concept of "obscenity"--and how much different do things like abortion or even US foreign policy seem when viewed through the godless goggles of true personal sovereignty?

Certainly, things like marriage must be defined--but not in the way Social Conservatives would have you to believe. They seek to answer the wrong question, that you might not question their answers in the end. We must define what marriage implies--not what it merely entails: Is it a legal institution with spiritual implications? Or is it a religious institution, with legal ramifications?

If it is merely a legal institution, then there is no logical, rational precedent to discriminate against gays. Surely other religions believe in marriage, and have believed such since before Chrisitianity--and many of them have no such prejudices against alternative sexuality. It must, therefore, be open to all--as Christianity cannot constitutionally hold a monopoly over a legal institution.

Furthermore, if marriage be a religious institution, then--in the interest of that Blessed Separation of Church and Police State--no one's marriage is legal. And your children? All bastards. (Not because of anything I've said--children are just little bastards in general. I know; I used to be one.)

And as for abortion, despite the fact that even the Bible itself seems indifferent to it (see Exodus 21:22-25; Numbers 5:11-31; Psalm 139:13-16), it must be rationally argued that if even one tenth of the revenue that is commonly spent on pro-life and pro-choice bumper stickers were to be spent on researching safe and effective Birth Control methods, abortion would slowly cease to be an issue. But therein lay the clencher--most Christians don't want better Birth Control; they prefer abstinence. I prefer abstinence from them.

All said, people who have never broken a law, will never seek to reform one. Those who have never touched a non-government-endorsed drug will never seek to reform our drug laws, and those who have always worked high-paying jobs that provide health care will never fight for Minimum Wage or Living Wage, or health care for anybody else. It is ironic that those most opposed to Darwinism have foisted Social Darwinism upon us all. Truly, only the strong shall survive their impotent piety, their iron fist of "loving kindness."

So if I reject both the Left and Right, where am I? I'm right here...typing. And this is where I'm at: I believe in my right to eat a greasy meat pattie, smoke a fat cigar, then drive home, drink a pint of beer, watch a trashy, violent B-movie or play a violent video game, have kinky sex, listen to loud music, swallow a fistful of ephedrine, then die facedown in my own vomit...because as long as I'm not harming you or your children, it is my God-given right to do so, on my property, if that is my choice.

To me, the American Dream means that your whitebread wife and children can sleep safely at night, secure behind your picket fences, to live out the dreams of your choice--while across the alley, we who are single and childless are free to drink, and smoke, and fuck--and NOT be made to feel guilt because you might.

To me, my personal brand of Libertarianism means that my personal liberties are a HELL OF A LOT more important than your person beliefs, and that my civil rights should not be in jeopardy because some politically-connected TV Preacher fails to get laid at night, or because some yuppie soccer mom dislikes my T-Shirt or my taste in music, or because some rural bumpkin in curlers and a mu-mu is offended when scientific discovery invalidates the sacred parchments of 2000-year-old nomadic desert tribes.

I should not be frisked at random, nor should I be detained because of racially-loaded profiling, or because some quasi-military jocks with nightsticks--who, because they defended us abroad, believe that they can get medieval here--dislike men with long hair, or women with an "aggressive" look. I should not be kept from employment because of appearance or beliefs, or cultural identity; and "corporate culture" should not be a thinly-veiled haven for exculsionary practice, politco-religious bias, sexism, or racism. And I should not be unemployed because our parents never met.

I believe that we can fight and win a war in Iraq, a war in Afghanistan, a war in Pakistan, a war in Iran, a war in North Korea...but until we win the battle to separate Church and State, not a single liberty our troops have died for is secure, and nobody is ever truly safe.